Saturday, July 20, 2013

goodie bag

today i went to my first medical marijuana potluck. there were raffle prizes and everyone got a goodie bag. i was expecting a ball point pen, post it notes and maybe some brochures and stuff like that. instead, it was full of cannabis products! although i did not win anything in the raffle, there was a conservative looking middle aged couple near me that gave me this jar of glycerine for making tinctures. i also got, pictured lower left, a baby food jar of oil tincture. the rest of the stuff i got in the bag was: 2 bags of clippings to make tinctures and butter, a cigarette style joint, a baggie filled with candies plus a few chewy candies, some kind of cookie piece that tastes like lawn clippings, a couple of huge beautiful fresh buds, and a tiny cupcake that i thought was half cooked until i cooked it to find out it was a creme filling! there were also representatives from clubs and dispensaries and one very clean cut young man was passing out very nicely stuffed joints. also pictured is some reading from various sources that are available... oh yeah, all the candies and sweets are edibles or what they call 'medibles'

they left me a note to wait an hour between taking any edibles because the effects come later. i am so sensitive, i can feel it right away

oh yeah, pictured on the left lower corner is a folded pile of papers that is now my identification before my card comes in the mail. until they print my card, i get this month or two basically for free
also, people kept giving me bags of clippings, i want to figure out what i can do with them

it's cool to have all this stuff legal, but im still wanting to be anonymous... i hope im helping folks to make an informed decision. i was thinking of how church culture does not seem to demonstrate moderation. all of the drug testimonies you hear in church started with pot and went into careless living, most of the time leading to hard drugs. then they quit everything only to go nuts again a few years later. there is also not a lot preached about moderation when it comes to prescription medication and especially over eating! i wish most churches can accept folks like us, especially those of us who are medical marijuana patients. then there are folks on disability, that i think we should honor. its nice that dispensaries mention wheel chair access and stuff. it really can be a very welcoming, warm and supportive community. they are very strange as you can imagine. one old lady kept repeating about her tincture making and was repeating 'shake the baby'. what a cruel expression. i think she was shook as an infant.

although my experiment about whether or not it was ok for me to use cannabis is over, i am now trying to figure out a good treatment plan. now that its ok in my life, its ok in my house! i dont have to worry about my nosey neighbors who dont know the difference between medicinal and harmful illegal drugs. it is also piece of mind, because i find it very stressful dealing with police.
some day i hope to have a few plants to grow and learn how to make better sweets and stuff. so now, im just trying to be careful about different ways to medicate and how much the various ways to take it. i find that if i take more than i should, it stays in my system and makes me so spacey. i would even be high the whole next day without taking anything, especially if i exercise a lot, that can release the stored thc. i notice that i dont get enough done, but its hard to tell if that is depression as well. when i started this a year and a half ago, i experienced better pain relief and now i have to take about twice as much to get the same effect but i get more high than i want. so i try to do it only at night, but i admit that i have been a social smoker a lot lately.

well, i hope seekers of cannabis treatments can take these dilemmas to prayer and study if you are a devoted christian. you may find that it is not for you, or that maybe God has a different plan for you.

thanks for reading,

roman zate

Thursday, July 18, 2013


a lot has happened in the last eight months!

most of my experiences with my further experiments with hemp products have been pretty positive. i still struggle with some confusion surrounding my christianity and my use of the drug. whenever you introduce something into your life that you were against doing, there is a process of changing your mind and being sensitive to your conscience. i just cant dive in head first. i think it is similar to when i started being ok with my sexuality after running from it for over a decade. there have been a handful of times where i go to 'medicate' and i can sense in my spirit, 'do i really need that?' so, i am trying to take it when i need it, not because i crave it, like food addiction... another thing is that i dont want to become emotionally addicted to it, like, and this sounds corny, but new users can agree that we can 'fall in love' with it. i also want to take anxieties and racing thoughts to prayer and contemplation before i go to medicate. i dont want pot to take the place of christ in my life.

so, this week was the first time i could get into dispensaries! i have long crazy stories about the medical marijuana process and how flakey everything seems to be. my impression overall based on my experiences, and this may hurt our cause by saying this, but the whole 'medical' thing seems to not be taken seriously. it really seems like a front for those who are recreational users. none of the professionals in the clinics and dispensaries seemed to have any confident advice about certain conditions! i am not really being 'treated' for anything as far as i am concerned. even though they were mostly very friendly and took a lot of precautions, there was a feeling of that i was just to get what ever pot that i wanted. i will try to shed more light on this as i experience more. i did have a bad trip on a 'free sample' i tried. the young lady reminded me of a taco bell worker in training. she was vague, then after i tried the strong hit of oil, she suddenly 'remembered' how paralyzing that stuff was! it was very insulting. i did find a way to walk it off and had food and coffee. i also tried to enjoy the experience instead of feeling guilty or afraid. things got much better after a few hours.

another new thing is that pot is really helping me perform music. i found i was actually more focused musically, i could 'feel' the music better and much to my surprise, i played more rhythmically... i may elaborate more in that later. i have a tendency to be uptight because of my musical background, so its nice to find a way to loosen up and get over some of my stage fright.

i had some fun money come in recently and bought a pax vaporizer! its really nice, but i admit it is a bit of a status symbol.

thanks for reading, and sorry for the long delay,

roman zate

Saturday, December 15, 2012

I have decided it is OK for me as a practicing Christian to use cannabis

It's late Fall 2012 and the experiment has been pretty much "over" for some months now...

I have decided it is OK for me as a practicing Christian to use cannabis 

I got frustrated trying to get my medical card so gave up for a while. This clinic was flakey and trying to work with the wrong doctor and I just did not see the use...

I still am using the three types I was given last Winter and taking them quite regularly but in small doses. Apparently, compared to most folks I know, a little goes a long way for me. I can roll a tiny ball (about the size to fit in the eraser holder of a standard pencil) and smoke that for a day or two. I am just keeping them in plastic bags and I guess it's loosing its potency. 

I have dated about 4 folks this last year who smoke grass. I also have met a lot of other Christians that smoke it. I have tried about three other types and some just put me to sleep. I experimented a week or so ago to smoke it every night to get off of benadryl that I take for sleep and it was OK, I jus found myself getting up too early anxious which is a bad thing for me. A lot of times I would wake up quite refreshed.

This fall I also made some Train Wreck brownies that were great. Over all, I have had good experiences and it seems to be a part of my life at least 4-5 times a week, sometimes daily. It's great for my...

Back pain

Hooray for Washington state! looks like the west coast is winning the battle against prohibition 

Thanks for reading, and God Bless

Roman Zate

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

spring 2012 - leftovers!

spring 2012 was pretty good to me
i was no longer in a band, and felt pressure to get high with the other players and did not have the strength to not get so into that
i really want to smoke to relieve anxiety and back pain
i have found that a tiny ball i roll and put into a pipe the size of the tip of a sharpee pen will last me two or three days and i will keep it for about a week until it turns completely  into ash

this may be bad because it tastes so stale after a day, but its economical
i also take in even more air with the smoke because its a vented pipe
but the other night, while dealing with severe restlessness i placed a larger amount and took in a lot of smoke
just one or two hits like that and i started feeling high, just a bit too much but it helped me cope i admit
other than that, spring was a pattern of smoking about every week, 1-5 times with the exception of a few weeks out of state
i think the strong hit three days ago has given me a deep sore throat and some coughing issues - i feel like i got burned and its really bothering me
i often have sore throats anyway and this week i am really sensitive to stuff in the air but it feels like its healing though...

i feel like my experiment is officially over, yet there are still some things i want to get clear about before i feel like this is to be a regular part of my life

one of my closest friends who is in drug and alcohol recovery told me of a real pot user that he was thinking of dating said that this user was mean and harsh on grass? i don't know... i asked him if he was sure that there was no other drugs involved but did not want to talk about it more for fear of revealing my status because that would really mess up his recovery

i also am thinking of dating a guy who lives out of town that is an avid medical marijuana user, its nice to have this in common and he seems respectful of how little i use

i need to see my chiropractor this summer again because in order to get a medical card, it looks like i need a letter from this dr and the pain needs to be chronic which it was not too bad last winter but is not daily

what a disaster

what a disaster...

i had a really bad experience in feburary
i was doing live music one night and thought i would give it a try and i smoked a hit with a few very small puffs after that and in an hour or so i totally became unable to do anything at all
turns out that that what i was given was this type of grass that was called zz, and i had never tried it - its known to put some folks to sleep
within a few songs in the gig, i could hardly sing, i could not seem to get the right volume from my instrument i was so out of it and that if something upset me, it was like everyone was in my head
it got me so anxious that it caused me to shut down which made me even more afraid making a sort of downward spiral - then my hands felt heavy like i could not lift them then my head sank down
i was so embarrassed and the others tried to help me but i waited until i was able to muster up enough strength to leave - i walked a few blocks in the cold night air to wake me up and found a grocery store where i got a starbucks energy drink and a sandwich - i felt a lot better in about an hour, but i have less trust in myself to make informed enough choices in these kind of circles

i did have a nice valentines day, my ex came over and he brought a little grass he called blue sunshine or something - i tried it a few times after that and it gave me the giggles - i would take a few hits in the middle of the simpsons and then laugh through the second half, not the first half of the show

its weird how different kinds of grass can have such different results
i was given something called 'train wreck' and it was very stony, but the stuff that smells like lemons is pretty mellow

i sure learned my lesson about smoking while working, driving and with others - especially with trying out new kinds of grass
also, it may have had something to do with a piece of homemade chocolate that i got from a few hippy ladies... i have so much to learn..

Thursday, February 9, 2012

update on medical card, cold season issues and happiness

i got the courage to ask my doctor about getting a medical marijuana card for anxiety and he said not to pursue it only if i had everyday back pain - well, my back never really feels good, but i dont go through bad enough pain all the time enough to want to try to convince a dr about, but there are medical marijuana doctors i hear that will find a way - but even my friends wont do it because they are like so not worried about getting caught - i also hear it costs about $300, which is cool

thanks to my buddy who gave me the little glass pipe i have been using - honestly i dont think i have the guts to go to a head shop and buy one yet - something funny happened though last month when guys were passing the pot around that i was still considered not a smoker

i have had a bad cough for over a month and it started shortly after i burned my throat kinda bad on a big hit - i thought it aggravated it, and tried it again a few weeks after that when i started feeling better and the same thing happened - i have a very sensitive throat and it seems to be prone to infection if irritated like getting hoarse or something
then, i had a cough last night, like an annoying tickle that would not go away so i smoked a bunch of very light drags taking in a lot of air

well i felt great! the cough went away - i am perplexed and not sure if pot has much effect positive or negative
i do feel that i need to be careful not to take in a lot of strong smoke though

i tried filling a tiny amount in my pipe to see if i could smoke every bit of it - took me a few weeks and it gets a bit stinky sitting in a drawer instead of putting in fresh bud every time - i found i could smoke it until it was just ash - i have more coming to me though, but i am being stingy with what i have though - gosh, a little sure goes a long way, at least for me!

my new cat does not like catnip and does not react to the smell of it
she does though, seem to look puzzled and surprised when i exhale after taking in some smoke, it is so funny...

i am also involved in a writing project where i am remembering stories of some brutal religious abuse i suffered in the past
i have found that smoking just enough to get me happy and not too much so i dont get spacy, really helps
i realized that it can numb painful emotions and it has really come in handy 2 or 3 times while writing

i also decided not to smoke early in the day because i am concerned about getting intense fatigue and depression later on in the day
i do find that i can wake up feeling really good the next morning if i take some about 3-4 hours before bedtime - i get really wound up (like tonight in fact, its after midnight) late at night and take things for sleep most nights - i dont have to really do this if i smoke in the evening

i have a weird theory about why hippies that are really stoned flop their heads around, maybe ill share about that some day...

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

depression and anxiety

living with depression and anxiety, i have wanted to see how marijuana effects my moods. so far, its been good for any minor anxiety attacks or feeling too wound up in the morning. i have been trying to get to  sleep earlier so i can be up with the sun, and i find smoking a little after 9pm is quite nice. i have tried it in the morning a few times and within 2-4 hours i go into a deep emotional depression and fatigue. in fact the last time i wrote was just before i crashed really bad after that. it was really bad...

i've done it now three more times since my last entry, and all at night. i tried to do some music recording after some hits sunday night and i seemed to play pretty well except i forgot to hook up one of the mics so i had them redone anyway. so, it goes to say that you can be creative on it but not very practical. although, i have done some very emotional intense writing projects lately and found that just a little smoke helped me loosen up a bit, i also think sexual activity can be more intense too

i talked to a few friends and a guy at the mental health agency who decided for some reason to start talking about marijuana and when i mention recently trying it again, they say they do it and know a lot about it. even one guy i know that works at a church...

thanks chuck in nj for the recipe, that's better advice than what i got from a friend

trying to get into bob marley again...

i had a really bad chest cold for much of this month and smoking was not helping... so i tried taking in a lot more air with the smoke and that had helped me not cough

i still have a lot of issues, and i should write them another time...

and thank you for smoking