i felt better but was a bit spaced out
i also did not get dizzy much at all and was able to do things
smoking does not seem quite as strange like it did sunday
i was about to take another hit later on in the evening but felt like i had enough - when i tried i could not get a good hit and things like that make me wonder, then it could be just that i also don't know what i am doing
i place a lot of heightened meaning to coincidental events
i was watching a preacher this week who seemed to be telling me to stop what i was doing
i have these preachers on as part of my experiment - and its really strange what goes through my mind! sometimes i think they are talking right to me if i am unsure about something, its like i am wanting them to think for me when i don't know what to do
i want to do something that has been against my conscience and practice my faith as much as i can at the same time instead of abandoning it like i used to if i was in a similar situation
i hung out with a friend of mine who is in recovery today - if he found out he may have to stay away from me - i took him to a party a few years ago where they were taking a few hits in the basement and it triggered him so much that he will not come back
he also really looks up to me and i am worried it may make him weak
so much to deal with...
my mom is picking me up tomorrow for me to get corrective eye laser work done
i worry that she will find out without me telling her, and i am thinking of telling her and even though i think it will be ok, i also fear it could be a mess
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