spring 2012 - leftovers!

spring 2012 was pretty good to me
i was no longer in a band, and felt pressure to get high with the other players and did not have the strength to not get so into that
i really want to smoke to relieve anxiety and back pain
i have found that a tiny ball i roll and put into a pipe the size of the tip of a sharpee pen will last me two or three days and i will keep it for about a week until it turns completely  into ash

this may be bad because it tastes so stale after a day, but its economical
i also take in even more air with the smoke because its a vented pipe
but the other night, while dealing with severe restlessness i placed a larger amount and took in a lot of smoke
just one or two hits like that and i started feeling high, just a bit too much but it helped me cope i admit
other than that, spring was a pattern of smoking about every week, 1-5 times with the exception of a few weeks out of state
i think the strong hit three days ago has given me a deep sore throat and some coughing issues - i feel like i got burned and its really bothering me
i often have sore throats anyway and this week i am really sensitive to stuff in the air but it feels like its healing though...

i feel like my experiment is officially over, yet there are still some things i want to get clear about before i feel like this is to be a regular part of my life

one of my closest friends who is in drug and alcohol recovery told me of a real pot user that he was thinking of dating said that this user was mean and harsh on grass? i don't know... i asked him if he was sure that there was no other drugs involved but did not want to talk about it more for fear of revealing my status because that would really mess up his recovery

i also am thinking of dating a guy who lives out of town that is an avid medical marijuana user, its nice to have this in common and he seems respectful of how little i use

i need to see my chiropractor this summer again because in order to get a medical card, it looks like i need a letter from this dr and the pain needs to be chronic which it was not too bad last winter but is not daily

what a disaster

what a disaster...

i had a really bad experience in feburary
i was doing live music one night and thought i would give it a try and i smoked a hit with a few very small puffs after that and in an hour or so i totally became unable to do anything at all
turns out that that what i was given was this type of grass that was called zz, and i had never tried it - its known to put some folks to sleep
within a few songs in the gig, i could hardly sing, i could not seem to get the right volume from my instrument i was so out of it and that if something upset me, it was like everyone was in my head
it got me so anxious that it caused me to shut down which made me even more afraid making a sort of downward spiral - then my hands felt heavy like i could not lift them then my head sank down
i was so embarrassed and the others tried to help me but i waited until i was able to muster up enough strength to leave - i walked a few blocks in the cold night air to wake me up and found a grocery store where i got a starbucks energy drink and a sandwich - i felt a lot better in about an hour, but i have less trust in myself to make informed enough choices in these kind of circles

i did have a nice valentines day, my ex came over and he brought a little grass he called blue sunshine or something - i tried it a few times after that and it gave me the giggles - i would take a few hits in the middle of the simpsons and then laugh through the second half, not the first half of the show

its weird how different kinds of grass can have such different results
i was given something called 'train wreck' and it was very stony, but the stuff that smells like lemons is pretty mellow

i sure learned my lesson about smoking while working, driving and with others - especially with trying out new kinds of grass
also, it may have had something to do with a piece of homemade chocolate that i got from a few hippy ladies... i have so much to learn..